Back in prehistoric times it was just a free for all. God was putting antlers on everything and made 7 foot tall gophers with wings, it was a mess.
Look at this poor, impractical bastard.
The prehistoric era was God’s Deviantart stage.
Now he just hides all of his stupid-looking OCs in the ocean where no one can find them.
I can’t not reblog this
Today I went to Subway.
There’s this asshole who every time he sees me with my ukulele he thinks he’s funny and asks “Can you play any Metallica?” but the joke is now on him because I just learned how to play the intro riff to Master of Puppets.
I did it. I fucking did it. He asked me again just like I knew he would and I stared him straight in the eyes without blinking and just fucking shredded on my ukulele
i hit my coworkers shoulder lightly and he was like “you’re going to make me cry like a girl” and i was like “what’s wrong with being a girl?” and he was quiet for a moment then he looked into the distance and whispered “the social standards they’re forced to live by”
imagine a horror movie where you’re trapped in your house with a serial killer but all your lights are clappers
so you’re running for your life from this psychopath while both of you are just aggressively clapping the lights on and off
But you know your house better than they do. You probably can find your way around almost completely in the dark, including avoiding all the counters and doors. Imagine a stranger trying to navigate YOUR home in the dark.
imagine being stuck in a room surrounded by everyone you’ve ever had sex with
imagine being stuck in a room surrounded by everyone you’ve ever thought about having sex with
oh god NO
oh god YES
Imagine your cousin sitting there wondering what he has in common with these people
knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit
wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad
That was deep
philosophy is wondering if that means ketchup is a smoothie
That was deeper.
common sense is knowing that ketchup isn’t a damn smoothie you nasty
If you think about it, the process of singing the birthday song and cutting the cake is extremely satanic
no but seriously imagine it this way
a small gathering of people huddle around a object on fire, chanting ritualistically a repetitive song in unison until the fire is blown out and a knife is stabbed into the object
you must be fun at parties